this month i been spending alot of money! till i broke now,only $27 left till the next salary! well what i do with it! haha well paid bill total around $500 then been spending on a place to stay! i been stay at downtown chalet eveytime pay 3days 2night, image one time book is about $200 then i been staying there about a month! actually spending is more then $2k puls all my saving all! sigh....^^ well i think now i should stay at void deck... it's free...haha

i really2 need the money right now! firsty i always must ensure that my salary reach $500 so that i could pay my bill then the rest is what i can spend. but this comming month my pay is only $600 plus.... sigh

why i been feel so lonely this few days? i feel that im alone! no friends,no family.... just me! i now also very depress been eatting painkiller to maintain my stress level! haha^^! what should i do?? i will write more 2morrow...alright! ahah

Confession

Well as you all know that i dont have any mother since i was 6 yrs old! when i was 7 yrs old starting my Primary school. having so many Parent around me taking of thier children making so me jealous, sad and angry! coz i jut living with my maid, my father is not always around coz he working oversea! well from the third day of school till primary three, I will juz wait outside school till all the others students went home, coz i think i juz hope that i could be like them.Having ur parent fetch u after school. i always wonder how it feels like! and how it feels like having a birth mother taking care of you! since i was primary 2 till now! i seriously wanne know how it feel like! but i know i will not get the answer coz i cant turn back time!

having a mess up life is not that easy you know! first of all i wanne say! I KNOW MY ENGLISH AND MALAY SUCKS! becoz unlike you fucking people u have someone on your side teaching you or help you on your school work since in primary school! it is just fucking irriatating that all the fucking people keep tell me that my english is bad! well im sorry that when i was young after school i dont do any homework, learn my spelling! sorry i dont have anyone to scold when i was young! all i do is go to school, after that go home watch tv, eat, sleep and go playground! I really dont need u people to understand my fucking problem but i just want you people to stop tell me! maybe when u tell me u may see that i smiling and laugh about the insults but actually it really2 hurt me! :s

Thats all for now lah! i will confess more someother time......

the more i think about u! the more i like u! But why are u making things so hard for me? :S

Last post dated 20 August. Oh dear, i've been so damn busy. I apologise. (singing, it's too late to apologise~~) Alright alright, i'm gonna do up a proper entry now (06 September 6am in the morning)

Comex IT fair was fun. I think. Feels kinda like i've wasted my time. But nvm that, i wasted my time with fee! He's enlisting too. (and all of us go, 'awwwww') Eh eh eh, people going to defend our country lor. Defend us with everything they've got. Defend us with a lousier sense of fashion. Warcraft players, continue reading. Non warcraft players (no lifers hahaha), read next paragraph. Why cant army do things like tower defence! Build towers and defend ourselves. Once in awhile recruit units like goblins and dragons to fight for us. The world will be a better place without army. Let us all roll our eyes at the army in unison. (ROLLLLLL)

Oh and i'm very touched that people actually visited me at the comex it fair! Next, i'm gonna start working at taka^^. Drop me a message before coming by to say hi! I have a weak heart. Cannot handle surprises, stress, depression, excitement, anger etc etc. (okay might as well just die lah hor)

GOODBYE AUGUST, HELLO SEPTEMBER! Eh i think i should have typed that out at the beginning of this entry. Nvm. Never too late. (still singing, it's too late to apologise~~)

Life and relationships are funny in the way that they don’t always remain the same. Sometimes people change so much that relationships become harder to maintain. Lovers, friends and even family need to grow and evolve together or they may find themselves feeling the need to pull apart. If you don’t allow these things to happen and move with the tide a little, you’ll find yourself constantly struggling as you swim against the current. That is tiresome. You find yourself held back. When you feel you’re being stunted you become distressed, frustrated and sometimes you become a little bitter about those who are holding you back in life.

You never know, maybe things will get easier. I just know they can’t continue as they are.

You know what's the best thing about telling secrets to your friends? They will tell others. And even better, you thought you could trust them in the first place.

Today is her third year anniversary, since she pass away. and i still cant forgive myself for what had happen to her! it's still hurt me badly! Please stop calling me and ask me what actually happen to her that day! i still cant talk about it,

i will just blog about it! for those who want to know. well three years on 15 Aug 2006 on monday after School we want to watch movie at Tampines! when we reach near Tampines, about to cross the road, a car was speeding which is about to hit me but she push me away and hit her! Her blood is all on my cloths. ambulance was call, but the ambulance didnt make on time. I know that her parent said is not my fault but i feel that i should be the one! Not her.

Well the next day, when i go to school trying my best to act like notting happen. but everyone say im heartless "How you can be smiling when your Girlfriend just pass away yesterday" after that around 10am i really can't hold back anymore, and i went home.

Reach home, my parents scold me for skip school(which they didn't know what happen). in my mind, my bad day go to worst.

i still trying to move on but how? please help me...

I'm heavily broken
And I don't know what to do
Can't you see that I'm choking
And I can't even move
When there's nothing left to say
What can you do
I'm heavily broken
And there's nothing I can do

Almost giving up on trying
Almost heading for a fall
And now my mind is screaming out
I've gotta keep on fighting
But then again
It doesn't end

Not exactly feeling any better. Nothing's making things better. I had a bad day. I thought hmm maybe i should open the blinds in my room to let in some light and fresh air. But no, my darn old blinds fell on me. Nothing's going my way, nothing.

No dont tell me things will change for the better cause i know it will obviously. I cant expect things to get any worse right? Oh wait, that's possible. And no dont tell me to cheer up cause you guys and i all know i will cheer up soon enough. But how soon? I wanna feel good now! Now now now! I wanna be happy again, i really do. But my heart's aching bad, really bad. No matter how hard my friends all tried to comfort me, i still feel that ache. It feels like i've been working hard, way too hard for things to go well. I'm tired man! I'm so tired i need galleons of redbull, galleons of coffee and tons of lollipops outing. But no, my lovables decided to postpone the outing till next week. Cant wait. No, literally, cannot wait till next week. I might just break down halfway through the week.

My head's killing me. All these thinking. Restless sleep every night. I wake up every morning before 7 just to take a peep at my phone and try to sleep again. I get out of bed, wash up and stare at myself in the mirror. I pull and pull my hair to make it look decent. Scrubbed my face so hard i want my face to peel. I dont know anything anymore. I seriously dont.

Just tell me how to live. Tell me.

HOW DO I GET TO FISHBALL CMPB! Fucking medical screening shit's getting on my nerves. I'm going to be a grumpy boy at medical tomorrow. *(&^%$@@#&(*^%$#$^

Was listening to Stely's podcast while applying toner on my face. (yes i use all three cleanser toner and moisture, face still kana sai lor) EMO SIA. Stelylylyly, forgot about your EX boyfriend please. He's not worth it. He thinks so highly of his nothings. You deserve better. You deserve the best. You deserve, me. HAHAHAHA. (see you smiled) (;

Shit I tell people not to emo, me myself and i emo last night. Whoops. And thankyou to my concerned friends that messaged me and msn the whole night. I salute you guys. I mean, curtsy you guys. HAHAHAHA. Did i spell it correctly first? You know curtsy? Like after those stupid ballet show all the cute ugly pink ballerinas bow cross legs cross legs like girly girls. Yucky~ HAHA.

Oh, i am fine. Doing better than fine actually. People who dont know me, my mood fluctuate, a lot.

I'm gonna end this post like how i started it.

HOW DO I GET TO FISHBALL CMPB! Fucking medical screening shit's getting on my nerves. I'm going to be a grumpy boy at medical tomorrow. *(&^%$@@#&(*^%$#$^

It's a beautiful Friday morning. I freaking woke up at 4 30am in the morning! Wanted to adjust my body clock, so i slept early last night. You know, it's either too early or too late wtf.

So i woke up early, youtube my way to 9plus in the morning and went back to school. And i meant, PSS. If you dont know, that means Punggol Secondary School.

So awkward. Walked into the school wearing shorts and 'once Punggol' shirt and slippers. And everything around me were in their uniform. It felt awkward using a phone also. Felt like everyone was staring at me. Kinda like 'orhh horrrr he bring phone to school!'

Bumped into a few teachers. Old faces. Familiar faces. And i get weird looks from them. Like 'huh i think i know you' kinda looks.

I exclaimed, 'ABU LAH'

'OHHHH wah grown up already ah! so hansum (chinese teachers cannot pronouce handsome) i cannot recognise you! wah now so handsome already'

'yeah i know right?'

OH and i didnt say why i went back to school. Went to collect my N levels certificate! YES! 2 years late! HAHA.

Oops i guess?